“NO CHOICE TV”

By Dick Swart on 20 January 2010

I don’t think that a lot of people will agree with me but for me; having around 200 TV stations and a decent remote control is a mixed blessing. Of course I’m very happy that I have this enormous amount of choice. I can’t get enough from MGM, SCIFI, Discovery, History Channel, Holland doc Etcetera but I also have to admit that I rarely finish a program to the end. Usually I wander of from the program I like and end somewhere else. This is mostly instigated by the curse called commercials but not so long ago I realized that it’s not only avoiding commercial breaks, but also an unconscious and pathetic need to zap around. My thumb just doesn’t like to miss things, This so called WWILA (Where Was I Looking At?) is annoying afterwards. I feel stupid that I haven’t finished a documentary or movie although it was really worthwhile to watch it. It makes me feel a gluttonous entertainment junky who just happens to be hooked on imagery.

During my holyday on the Island Lanzarote this Christmas I had an extraordinary experience. Our Apartment was lovely and even had a Satellite disk. So one might think that there were plenty of decent programs to watch, Well not if the owner of the apartment is German and has pointed his disk towards a German Satellite. By god you have no idea how much German TV-stations there are. From ‘Teutenburgerwalder Rundfunk’ to “Neue Bremerhafen Süd”. And although my German is decent enough to enjoy these channels, I never could bring myself to watch these 576 local stations. Besides, the remote was clearly in deep trance and would respond only when he felt like it. I still miss my first analog ‘zapper’ who went from channel 1 to channel 99 in 7 seconds flat, but that’s another story.

So basically the first night after an hour of tedious zapping I finally found one decent TV-station. A Dutch one as well called BVN. It’s a combination of Flemish and Dutch programs broadcasted for expats, pensionados and poor junkies like me. It’s very good actually. Not much longer the remote came out of his trance and went right into a deep coma. At that point my wife decided that we wouldn’t buy new batteries because “now we would finally read these books we brought with us, we could play games in the evening and even talk to each other!”

The first three day’s I had serious withdrawal signs. I constantly searched for the remote. It was pure horror! After a few days of agonizing pain and shouting to my children I noticed also something weird. I started to watch programs again until the end!. And because BVN is a decent station with a good selection of what Belgian en Dutch television has to offer, it was quite interesting. I saw an extraordinary slow documentary about an old Dutch farmer who wanted to immigrate to France and I even watched (purely from an anthropological point of view, mind you) a very amusing concert from Andre Rieu in Maastricht. Never ever in my entire snobby life would I have finished and enjoyed these programs if I had a decent remote and zillion TV-stations. After a week or so I realized that it was good for me to have no choice.

A few years ago, Jamie Oliver had a crusade against bad food served at schools in England. His main statement was that for the same price he could serve healthy food to kids and let them enjoy it as long as you don’t give them any choice. And surely after a few days of protest the junk food kids accepted the food and started to enjoy it. Although I also remember that parents sneaked junk food through the fences of the schoolyard to there kids.

I’m going to start a new business called “NO CHOICE TV”. I’m going to design a TV with just one button on it. Or maybe a remote control with just one button because it looks funny on the coffee table. This TV looks as cool as an Apple and will have the same moral superiority as a Toyota Prius. The ultimate “We seldom watch television” statement so to speak. People who buy my TV, will turn in all old TV’s in their house and can subscribe to only one of my program selections under the editorial guidance of people with taste. And from that point on, they can only watch that what is given to them but without any commercials. And there is absolutely no possibility to watch something else. I can assure you there is a market for it. Three days in rehab is all it takes.

Or did I just invent a newspaper for moving imagery?

tagged with: zap, tv

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